1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."
I think this verse is so beautiful, it doesn’t just tell us what not to do, it tells us what to do. I typically think of this verse as being most clearly practical in a (romantic) relationship sense, or in other words telling Christian woman how they should be “attracting” men.
There’s one clear difference between the first part of this passage and the second. In the first part we are allowing our beauty to be external, we are seeking to please the outside world, whether it’s to get attention from guys, or to gain a false sense of security in knowing people are attracted to us. Obeying the second part of the passage takes our focus and energy off feeling that our outer appearance is everything, and puts our eyes on God. 1 Samuel 16:7 “…The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” Galatians 1:10 “Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
By putting God at the center of your life you will display the “fruits of the spirit,” in other words, the result of a spirit centered on God. Galatians 5:22-23 “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control...” The right man will be drawn towards you because you display these characteristics, which all grow as you draw closer to God, verses him being drawn to your appearance which fades with time.
So this passage is not telling woman to be gentle quiet pushovers, it’s telling us to have a gentle and quiet SPIRIT. With this type of spirit we are sensitive towards God’s voice and presence, desire God’s will for our life, and become complete in him.
I can speak for myself and say that my attention is never split, when I am totally focused on how I look I am not very interested in God, I become self consumed, and not sensitive towards the Lord’s direction. On the contrary, when I put my relationship with God first, and allow myself to find value and satisfaction in him, I can still put on a cute outfit, but my heart is not centered on how I look.